I was a child once.

I have been there.

I was a child once.

I was innocent , too.

You see, I had ideas.

A mind Imagination flowed through.

 

You see, I was a child once.

A little girl who loved pink and blue.

A little girl who picked flowers and dressed dolls.

I never expected to become one of the few.

 

I loved Barbie and Bratz and Easy Bake cakes.

I was everything girly until he raised the stakes.

I used to have innocence and the pretty hair.

Until, I was required to be naked so he could stare.

 

See, I used to be a little girl

who played in the dollhouse.

Until, one day the dollhouse

was where he pulled my hair until it would uncurl.

 

Now, I am the little girl who is all grown up.

full of worry and made corrupt.

She views life as evil as could be

but somehow someway got free.

 

 

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The informal “come down”.

Today, the love of my life woke me up this morning before he went to work. He sat on the edge of his grandmother’s bed, where I lay my head at night and woke me with concern.

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He said to me,”Katlynn, you know I promised I would never lie to you. So, I need to tell you something.”

Immediately, my eyes widened and my mind fluttered with concern. He showed me a Facebook message from my mother, who lives back home, where I fled from two weeks ago. At this point, I have blocked and deleted all family and old friends/acquaintances from that place and my past.


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However, my mother reached out to my boyfriend. She asked how I was and she was curious what is going on in my life. She showed a sense of guilt for not knowing how I was doing. It is and was so obvious how much she does care.

Which is not very much at all.

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Frankly, she only concerns herself with my sister, brother and I so she does feel as if she is not trying. Her main concern is her selfish and self-consumed lifestyle. If she isn’t high above the sky and feeling good about herself then we are the smallest and least concern to her. She gave up a long time ago. Probably the first time she shot meth into her veins was the last time we became of any priority or importance. As blunt as it is to you, it is so real to me. I have never seen past the drugs unless I was consuming drugs, myself. Yes, I dinged around in drugs and alcohol. For almost twelve years of my life, drugs and alcohol numbed my pain, too. Unfortunately, it took twelve years to find that. She is on year number forty-five and I see no progress my friends.

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I GOT SIDE TRACKED.

IN ALL HONESTY, THE MESSAGE FROM MY MOTHER STARTED A CHAIN OF EVENTS.

The first message, meant God is working in me. He is answering my prayers and continuing to bring PEACE to my life. It is also evidence that KATLYNN needs to learn how to forgive and forget.

Peace and serenity has been introduced in my life and  I have failed to stop worrying and stressing so dang much. Why? Well, because I care too much. Not necessarily too much but I do care an excessive mount of how others live their lives.

“I am too passionate,” they say.


If their (everyone who I have associated with or grew up with) choices and troubles DO NOT directly affect me, why am I so passionate about helping them get better? I am NO saint. It does not affect me or my life but I choose to let it just like I always have. Me me me me me.



God tells me to recognize what I have been doing to hurt myself. I pray and I pray, in private and publicly (social media) for EVERYONE ELSE peace while forgetting to pray for my own. Redemption is only possible with faith, hope, forgiveness, and The Lord.


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First and foremost, I have to forgive these people who choose to ruin their own lives and to live in misery on their own time. I know I am at peace but their decisions in their life have defined me for SO LONG. It has been my way of coping for so long. I attach myself to problems in hopes of fixing them or giving them peace. I always try to fix people. I can not do that. It is not my job. It is the Lord‘s job to bring to them what they seek. It is my job and responsibility to take care of myself and follow my faith.

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Around lunch time today I received another message from another old friend, if you want to call her so. I did call her a friend for a long time. However, our friendship was based upon drugs. Legitimately. If you are reading this, my old friend, you need to know this. I don’t like sharing this information this way but I am led to.

The messages I recieved today.

I am sorry for your loss.

(No names are included. No social media is included. These photos are public on her profile as well as mine. This is not slander.)

Keep in mind as you read, I left town this very last time because drugs were in control. I was no longer in control. ( I always insisted I was in control of my drug choice.) The drugs began to control me. Starting July 21, 2017 I was under the mastery of substance. It began to restrict me. My friendships  and relationships were only valid due to drugs. I chose to only see people and associate with people for the drugs. Sad.

Finally, August 4, 2017 I saw a star in the sky. Yes, I was sleep deprived. Yes, I was called crazy and psychotic. However, the first glimpse of the star was the first glimpse at the reality and MAYHEM I caused myself in the matter of two weeks.

WOW!

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  • Loss of Job
  • Loss of Family
  • Loss of Friend
  • Loss of Home
  • Loss of Faith
  • Loss of Confidence

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(No names are included. No social media is included. These photos are public on her profile as well as mine. This is not slander.)

HINT: YOU CAN NOT LOSE ALL OF THIS IF YOU NEVER HAD IT. RIGHT?

In only two weeks, I was able to ruin  my entire life from the bottom to the top. I knew it would not be long until I ruined everyone in my path as well. IF PERHAPS, they were not already ruined to begin with… Or did they ruin me? Who knows? First and foremost, this friend of mine, who I called the best friend, was a figment of my imagination. Free drugs = her time. Point blank.  With me, six others relapsed.  I tried this drug for the first time. Six others, relapsed on the drug they once called their fix. Not including my mother and roommate who already were addicted.

I chose to stop. I chose to take myself off the drug and get sober. I chose to let go. They didn’t want to. No one realized how bad it was WHEN I did. No one knew how awful it made you look and feel. No one wanted to let go with me. I thought I could help that. NO WAY! It was never my job. You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves.

I called my best friend over one night. I was withdrawing so bad and I didn’t want to do anymore. I tried to get her over to the house so bad to help me. All I wanted was help and company. I stayed up 24 hours just to help her get through a withdraw herself. I thought she would be there for me. Not. I either wanted her to do it with me or tell me to stop. As my body started heating up and my mind starting twirling, I began to notice she was never coming. Before I could even ask any more questions, I called her phone to realize she was with my ex-boyfriend and her boyfriend now, getting high. She chose to see them. She chose her destiny. She knew what it did to me when I called her phone to find my ex picking up the phone. She understood the pain I was going through. However, the drugs were way more important in this moment. So, I gave up. She came over  a day later to find me emotional and crying. She blamed the tears and the pain on my COME DOWN. She yelled and told me I was selfish. She made me feel like I was actually in the wrong for crying. For making sure she was ok. I told her over and over I was worried about her but she did not care. Because the drugs were always more important, unfortunately. I saw tragedy in the future. I saw our tragedy. All she could see was myself coming off the same drug she was high off of. TO her, I was a mess and it didn’t matter what I told her. So, in that moment I forgave myself. In that moment, I made a decision. I had my last long seventy-two hours of fun and regret. I lost everyone in the making.

Except for three people. Myself. My best friend. My Lord Savior, Jesus Christ.

You may have a higher power. You may have found something to attach to. These the three most important parts of my life which saved me on August 4, 2017.

This “friend” wrote me today as well as my mother. She was checking on me and she told me her and this dude are together. She told me they are so happy and they are moving in with the man who attacked me. The man who threatened my life and most likely touched me in my sleep. She told me she is doing great and she couldn’t be happier.

Did she find her peace? Or is it the devil coming after me?

Only God knows.

 

 

……To be continued…

 

(No names are included. No social media is included. These photos are public on her profile as well as mine. This is not slander.)

 

 

 

 

 

The Neglect DOES NOT define you.

My name is Katlynn Daily. I am twenty-four years old.

The Neglect

At a young age, I was exposed to neglect on the account of sex, drugs and alcohol. I was neglected as a child in ALL cases, not many,  because filthy (but fun) substances and alternate ego’s, brought on by substances of all kinds, took over my parents’  mind. I was forced to watch my mother and father ( or fathers shall we say) choose drugs over the well-being of my brother, sister and I.

I was the first to take this journey. Yes, I call it a journey.

I was in different situations for twenty years that never failed to teach me a new lesson. A journey is the act of traveling from one place to another. I went one place to the other watching my mother disintegrate in different homes and on different drugs. She chose meth over a box of cereal, a man’s presence instead of a pair of shoes for school. Although she did her best when she could, I was never first priority, ever. Not even when I was born. My mother will tell you to this day that I was more important, at times. I used to believe this flattering information. Harsh, yes. True, absolutely. Today, I still know how important those drugs are to my mother. As long as she can forget, it is the right drug for her. Until the drug stops helping her forget, she will continue to choose them over us. She is selfish. She is very consumed by it. She only wakes up, lives and pushes forward because she knows she can continue to use these drugs and the access is still there. So you know, I have detailed, yet vague memories of being in closets. Different sizes and all types of different things inside these closets. I remember playing with my dolls and cooking in my toy kitchen. Those are the only gateways I ever enjoyed or knew of. I would be in a walk-in closet for hours playing with my toys while mom enjoyed her gateway.  The smells still haunt me. Now, I know exactly what those smells are. From experience of course. I was always second. Then, she created more children, who then became my angels. My guardian angels. Children possessed of  beauty and love. Children who have brought a light to my life. Then and now I know what I was brought to this earth to do or accomplish. That is, save the lost children of addictive parents. They still have a chance.

The Dream

Since I was a small child, my dream has been to use my voice (written or in song), imagination and pure heart to change children’s lives across the world. To bring hope to these lost children, is my ONLY passion. I hope my voice can project far enough to spread hope and joy to lives of lost children with addicted parents across the world. I dream of using my voice to  inspire ALL children and in time be able to create foster homes, orphanages that use imagination, creative arts and passion to open the minds of these children to the opportunity and love they never knew existed. We, children of these addicted parents, feel restricted. We feel embarrassed. It is is not fair to us. I would love to see every child move past their losses and troubles at home. Those experiences, trauma and heart breaking sights do not define a child. I dream of helping children understand how important it is to stay true to oneself without letting those horrifying experiences brought on by addiction jump in the way.

Endless

Now, it is time for me to use my experience and losses to show the world and all of the children, possibilities are endless.

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KATLYNN BLOGS AGAIN!

I can’t really explain why I can’t be consistent in my blogging. I can’t explain why I can’t focus on one topic. I’m usually good at multitasking. It’s a speciality but when it comes to my blogging I get off track. I lose sight of my intentions. I forget why I am writing. I have to remind my myself to think about my readers. The audience whom read my blogs are my priority. I want to write for you. I want to share my stories in hopes of helping others around me! I’m hoping to change lives. Blogging is my outlet and my way of reaching out to the world. So, I vow to start blogging more, focusing more, and committing more time to helping those around me! 

DAY 2: 3-DAY TRIAL PACK with HERBALIFE

LET ME GET STRAIGHT TO THE POINT.

NO SCHEMES. NO JOKES. NO LIES. NO SUGAR COATING (PUN INTENDED)

I started my 3-day trial with #Herbalife yesterday. In addition to taking the #Herbalife 3-day trial pack as directed, I also have started taking my vitamins and drink atleast a gallon of water a day. 

Sure, you have seen many blogs, vlogs, and advertisements about this product. Many people look at the product and think, “Wow, it’s just another supplement.” Do you know why they think like that? They haven’t tried the product. I paid less than thirty dollars of my trial pack. I also sacrificed my Wendy’s baked potatoe money and my diet coke change for a #Herbalife shake. Believe me when I say, no regrets. I am not a supervisor or member. I am a curious client. I simply tried the product and my results are already showing. In my appetite, weight, energy levels, cravings, and my comfort. I am not shaky anymore. I haven’t had heart burn in two days. (I get heart burn everyday.) I haven’t had an issue with getting in or out of bed. I woke up today two hours earlier than I usually do. Last night, I was cleaning my bathroom and doing laundry until 9:30 P.M. without complaining. I had the energy. I was inspired and I am motivated.

When my coach asked me what my goal weight was, I told her to lose thirty lbs. In reality, I really just want to feel healthy and strong again. After smoking black & milds for six months and drinking every weekend, my body started to yell at me. My body almost gave out a few times over the last six months. I wish I would have discovered #Herbalife before I started working at Disney World. I would have been able to conquer the impossible. I am so satisified with my current results.

On top feeling crappy for six months, I have Epilepsy. I was diagnosed in 2012 and still have minor twitches to this day. The last two days, I haven’t even felt a muscle spasm. Imagine what this could help me achieve. I could even be growing out of my Epilepsy just by making myself healthier. I am NOT SAYING #Herbalife cures Epilepsy. I am saying with my motivation to make my health improve, I could possibly fight my Epilepsy. To me, that is success and results.

Today, is day two. I just finished by protein snack and I am about to do a small warm up to burn the calories. I hope one day you see what #Herbalife can do for you. Even if you don’t think it’s right for you now, you will never know how you feel AFTER you try the 3-Day Trial. I hope to see you soon. I hope to see pictures and comments!

SHARE YOUR STORY

 

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3-DAY TRIAL HERBALIFE ADVENTURE: PART I

I AM GOING TO GO FROM 150 Lbs. to 115 Lbs. IN ONE YEAR. WATCH ME!

I am like you. I have tried every regiment, class, recipe book, and program you can name off the top of your head. Except, Herbalife. Before Herbalife, I seeked information and knowledge concerning my weight. I was at loss for words when I compared my pictures from a year ago to now. One year ago, I weighed 120 Lbs. Today, I weight 155 Lbs. I am only five feet tall. Then, I was in the gym three times a week, attended a modern dance class, and worked at a gym most of my week. Now, I have been through a year of hard alchohol consumption, cigerette smoking, and eating everything tasty. The consequences show. Every inch of my body clearly highlights how unhealthy I have been. My body knows how bad I have treated it and it’s time I make a difference. I am doing this for myself but I am also doing this for my support team behind me. If I am not happy, they aren’t happy. That is why I chose to start my #Herbalife journey on May 2, 2016.

I started my 3-Day Trial Pack this morning. First, I made my yummy cookies n’ cream shake for breakfeast. As tempting as my mother-in-law’s bacon and egg biscuits looked, I had to back down. My first improvement was saying NO to bacon. That is GREAT for me. Second, three hours after my shake, I ate my protein snack. I ate two GRILLED chicken strips and drank my #Herbalife #Rasberry #Tea. The boost is remarkable. Third, three hours later, I had another tasty #Mint #Chocolate #HerbalifeShake for lunch. For my last protein snack, I ate a boiled egg and two grilled chicken strips. I resisted the urge to snack on anything salty or drinking Diet Coke.

You would not believe how I feel today, at 8:00 P.M.

In about an hour, I am going to have my healthy dinner. I am eat lean beef ground steak and a side of veggies. I only seasoned my protein with a splash of ground mustard and black pepper. Heavy seasonings leads to SALTY surprise. You do not want that. It shows in your numbers, I heard. So, in addition to that I took my #totalcontrol supplement that gives the boost of energy I need right before bed time. You are supposed to take the #totalcontrol pill two times a day. It is up to you when you take it, but I like to spread mine out. I prefer to take it in the morning considering I am replacing my coffee now. Which is also the saddest part of my diet.

Don’t forget, like I usually do, to drink so much water. Drink water all day everyday. I honestly cut out sodas and sweet tea the last two days. In only two days of knocking those out, I dropped three pounds. You pee like crazy but it’s a good thing.

Anyway,

I feel great. Thanks to my sponsers, Stefani and Brandie, I am starting a new chapter in my life. I am getting healthy, detoxed, and feeling great about my body. With their support and the family environment I never feel uncomfortable and I am motivated.

We start our #fitcamp this weekend and it is a full four weeks. Fun, free, and freaking life changing. In addition to this wonderful program, I am growing spiritually. I am been a disbeliever since my friend and family passed. I lost my spiritual drive because I blamed God for taking my family away. Now, I have found a light and sense of comfort in myself. It is driving me to be a better woman. A succesful woman!

Join me on my journey!